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Let me tell you why I hate soccer

POSTED: March 8, 2014 9:00 a.m.

Now that I’ve reeled you all in with a great, click-bait title, let me clarify.

Please, put down the pitchforks. I’m only joking.


See, I have nothing against rec league soccer for children. Or high school soccer (hey, guys and gals). Or college soccer. Or the athletes who participate in professional soccer.

Really, it’s not even a sport problem that I have with soccer. The men and women who play soccer are incredibly talented athletes who deserve the credit they receive.

The children and young adults who play soccer are trying to learn and improve their skills at a fun game. They have nothing to worry about from me at all, which would be true even if I did say I hated them.

I mean, how heartless would that make me?

No, my problem with soccer is this: corporate jerseys.

For those of you who are soccer fans, and those of you who grow tired of seeing an unjustifiable number of Manchester United jerseys walking around town, you’ll know what I mean by this. For those of you who are uninformed on the topic, let me explain.

European soccer leagues, aside from having an indecipherablely organized setup, often have jerseys with nothing more than a corporate logo on the front.

These teams are not called the Manchester AONs or the Barcelona UNICEFs. No, these teams have names and cultures behind them.

But they use the space on the front of their jersey as a walking (or running) billboard.

Personally, I have no tolerance for such things. I get annoyed at stadiums that adopt corporate names as opposed to historic names they once sat under.

I groaned when the Peach Bowl became the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. I won’t stop eating those delectable chicken strips anytime soon, but I still loathe what they did to that bowl game.

Most Americans would agree with me, I think, that overdone corporate sponsorships are a distraction and a nuisance in professional sports.

Would you rather attend a Red Sox game at Fenway Park, or do you want to go to Dunkin Donuts Park?

Would you like to see the Cotton Bowl, or do you want to buy tickets to the AT&T iPhone 7 Bowl?

A sportswriter for one of the major outlets recently penned an article describing how successful soccer leagues in Europe are with their jersey advertisements and how that trend will probably be coming to the NBA soon based on new jersey specifications.

Essentially, his point was that the changes are coming, so get used to them now.

Let me pose to you another question.

If a meteor were hurtling towards Earth, would you brace for impact (Deep Impact?), or would you call up Bruce Willis and Ben “I am Batman” Affleck to go blow it sky high?

Personally, I’d pick Will Patton. He’s my favorite...but I digress.

Just because American sports fans may be getting ready to see something we’re not used to, and something that will require quite the adjustment, is that reason enough to “get ready and deal with it?”

No. I don’t think so.

Don’t we get enough advertising in real life? Leave our jerseys be.



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